Peter Vermes just took all the clichés about himself – abrupt, no-nonsense, always looking ahead to the next game and nothing else – and reinforced every single one of them in crewcut-stiff concrete.
And it's hilarious. Tears-down-the-cheeks, stop-it-I'm-gonna-pee hilarious.
Through some miracle of persuasion from the club's PR staff, Sporting Kansas City's famously hard-nosed manager somehow wound up starring in a club promo video that marries the run-up to Wednesday's away match with Portland (10:30 pm ET; MLS LIVE) with Monday night's “Bachelor in Paradise” season finale.
(The Bachelor. Roses. Rose City. Marries! Get it?)
The “Sporting KC Rose Ceremony” video, which went up on Sporting's YouTube channel late Monday morning, should be allowed to speak for itself – and it will be. But here are a few teasers:
One, BiP's Tanner Tolbert is a special guest star. Only here, he plays the role of host Chris Harrison with Vermes as the Bachelor (or would that be “Coachelor”?) Tolbert went to high school with Sporting captain and center back Matt Besler, who does not appear in the video because it was shot while Besler was away on US national team duty.
Two, Monday night's episode points to some clear conflict simmering between center back Kevin Ellis and goakeeper Tim Melia, and Ellis is not afraid to throw a little shade on the big guy. Rrreowr!
Three – oh, just watch the thing already. Just make sure you're not drinking anything at the time because Vermes isn't going to buy you a new keyboard. He's just not gonna do it. Look, he's already told you that already, all right?
- Get more SKC news at SportingKC.com
SPOILER ALERT:
The video wasn't supposed to go live until Monday night, to coincide with Tolbert's announcement of his engagement to Jade Roper. But both the video and the engagement have already been leaked all over the Interwebs, so maybe it's not such a spoiler after all. Still, the niceties must be observed.
END SPOILER ALERT
Sporting's video game has been strong lately, with this latest entry coming on the heels of the club's “Sportingis Fanaticus” spot for season ticket renewals. But even with all the comedy gold in the older video – and there is much – even it can't top the touching exchange between Vermes and midfielder Benny Feilhaber in “Sporting KC Rose Ceremony.”
And in the end, we learn that love is … what it is. And when #SKCLoveWins, it picks up three big road points.
Steve Brisendine covers Sporting Kansas City for MLSsoccer.com.
